


love you through

by pacificblues



Category: VIXX
Genre: Asexual Character, M/M, mostly fluff with some internal angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-15 21:42:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11239836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pacificblues/pseuds/pacificblues
Summary: Sanghyuk is terrified to tell the truth.





	love you through

**Author's Note:**

> i have no idea what inspired this but here i am again writing ot6

He knows he should have mentioned this earlier. If he’s being honest with himself, he didn’t think that he would get this far.

Hakyeon has him pressed in the mattress, kissing him soundly. Jaehwan is close by and Sanghyuk can already feel the dread creeping up into his bones. He loves them both so much, loves all of his members, but this? He hates this. 

He hates sex. He doesn’t know why but he can’t deal with it. It just makes him sick to stomach. He’s only ever tried once with some guy he didn’t even know. He had ran out in hurry before his pants were even off, offering an apology, claiming his hyungs had called him home. It was the truth, but it was also the same day he realized he didn’t want to have sex. It wasn’t a big revelation, but it wasn’t something he told the others. 

When they had asked him out weeks ago, he was over the moon. It had taken them a long time to get the relationship he had with his hyungs now. He had met them when he was some scrawny 16 year old. He was older now, much older, outgrowing everyone in height and strength. Somewhere along the way, he started to love them more than he realized. He had been sulking for days about them being together. They had been sleeping together for months before they ever even asked him to join them. He knew it was because he was the youngest but it didn’t sting any less. 

A hand on his thigh breaks him out of his thoughts, bringing him back to the reality he doesn’t want anymore. He doesn’t want to disappoint them. They’ve done so much for him. He has to be able to do this.

“Hyukkie.” Hakyeon says and Sanghyuk opens his eyes he hadn’t even realized he closed so tightly. “Are you okay? You seem so tense.”

“I’m fine. Just… nervous I guess.” Sanghyuk settles for, voice only slightly shaking. 

“Yeah Hyukkie, it’s just us, you don’t need to be so nervous.” Jaehwan says and he’s right beside them. They are both looking him so softly like and they looked concerned. Sanghyuk could back out now, he could blame it nerves but he’ll have to do it sometime. 

Sanghyuk didn’t trust his voice anymore, only shaking his head and saying a soft, “I know.” Hakyeon continued to kiss him, softer this time as if he was trying to not scare him or go to fast. Sanghyuk appreciated it. It was familiar and slow. Jaehwan had creeped up behind him, pushing him up off the bed until he was bracketed between Jaehwan legs and Hakyeon. 

“Tell us if you want to stop.” Jaehwan mumbled, lush mouth pressing sweet kisses on the back of Sanghyuk’s neck that felt more comforting than sexual. He nodded, trying not to focus on the hands on his thighs that felt too heavy and the sick feeling in his stomach.

Hakyeon pulled at his shirt, silently asking. They pulled away from each other for a moment, discarding their shirts somewhere in the room before Hakyeon’s mouth was back on him, more aggressive than before. He vaguely registered Jaehwan being shirtless, feeling his bare chest on his back. 

He wasn’t ashamed of his body. More often than not, Sanghyuk would walk around shirtless after showering, workouts or even practice. It’s nothing his members haven’t seen before but right now, in the moment, he feels exposed in the worst way possible. The hands roaming his body feel foreign and he hates it. He doesn’t want them to think he’s a freak so he pushes through. It’s only one night. There is a voice in the back of his head that tells him to just say something, regardless of their reactions. They may not understand but they would at least stop. Another voice tells him that’s not an option. 

“Hyukkie, your heart is beating a mile a minute.” He can barely hear Hakyeon through the ringing in his ears. He mumbles out some excuse about being nervous, hoping it will satisfy him and he won’t ask again. It seems like it doesn’t because he sits back to look Sanghyuk in the eyes, almost searching. Sanghyuk looks anywhere but Hakyeon and he sighs. “Hyukkie,” Hakyeon starts again, “We don’t have to do this if you're this nervous.”

There is a hard carding through his hair and it’s relaxing, not like the touches a few minutes ago. “I’m fine. I love you both, I want to do this.” Sanghyuk says with a less than steady voice. It sound like he is trying to reassure himself more than anyone else. He hears Jaehwan sigh behind him.

“Hyukkie, we love you too but we don’t have to do this, not right now.” Jaehwan says into his neck. Hakyeon is looking him so sweetly and soft that it breaks his heart how much he might disappoint them. He can’t break now, he has to do this for them. Hakyeon must take his silence as reluctance because he pulls his hands off of his bare chest and put them on his cheeks, wiping away tears that Sanghyuk didn’t even know were there.

“Baby…” Hakyeon whispers, kissing Sanghyuk gently on the cheek, next to his hand that is rubbing the tears away. “Why are you crying?”

The words make Sanghyuk start crying even more, making him unable to talk. Jaehwan's arms wrap around him tightly, grounding him. Neither of them understand why he’s crying but it doesn't matter, they just want to calm him down.

Somehow, while he is crying, Hakyeon and Jaehwan have put their shirts back on and he’s been wrapped in the fluffy blanket that they got Hakyeon for Christmas one year. It’s soft and warm from the both of them still holding him around his front and back. His breathing finally evens out and none of them say anything for a few moments, Sanghyuk unsure of what to say. Hakyeon seems to understand him so well because he speaks first.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He says, voice low. Sanghyuk hesitates, not wanting to talk. It’s embarrassing enough to talk about having a breakdown let alone talk about not wanting sex. He knows he has to though. He can’t keep lying like this.

When Sanghyuk joined them officially, they all sat down and talked about communication and being open about feeling because that was the only way they could make this work. They had to trust one another, otherwise, they would fall apart. Sanghyuk takes a deep breath and looks up at Hakyeon and holds Jaehwan's that are wrapped around his waist.

“I-” Sanghyuk starts but Hakyeon’s gaze is too much, he can’t handle it right now. He looks down, at his hands. He’s sure Jaehwan can feel them shaking. “I don’t want sex.” He finally mumbles. Saying it outloud makes it too real.

“Baby, we can’t hear you.” Jaehwan says from behind him. Sanghyuk steels himself and gathers as much courage he can to repeat himself.

“I don’t want to have sex.” Sanghyuk says, more loud this time. A weight feels like it has been lifted off his chest. Even if they hate him, call him a freak, he’s being honest with them. 

“We don’t have to have sex Hyukkie, we can go at your own pace-”

“No. You don't unders-” Sanghyuk interrupts, looking up at Hakyeon again and meeting his eyes. “I don’t want to have sex. Ever.”

He is met with silence and it rings so loud in his ears. He feels stupid for saying anything now, he should have just dealt with it.

“Is this okay?” Jaehwan says from behind him. “Touching you like this? Or kissing you?”

“This is fine. I-I like this.”

“Is this the first time you’ve felt like this around us?” Hakyeon says, bringing his hand to run it through Sanghyuk’s hair. He’s surprised at the question, at the fact that he just dropped this on the both of them and the only thing they are worried about is if he had ever felt like this before?

“No. I’ve never- this is the first time.” Sanghyuk is able to manage out. Hakyeon hasn’t stopped looking at him with those warm brown eyes and Jaehwan hasn’t let go of him so those are both good signs. He’s still shaking slightly and Hakyeon reaches to put his hands on top of his.

“Hyukkie it’s okay.” Hakyeon says in that soft voice of his and Sanghyuk can already feel tears starting back up again. 

“You don’t have to want sex. We still love you just the same.” Jaehwan continues for him and the tears come full force. 

He ends up in between the two of them who are holding him close and kissing his tears away as they spring up. The tenderness they treat him with makes his heart soar with joy. 

“We’ll tell the others we need to have a group meeting tomorrow Hyukkie.” Hakyeon starts after they had been laying there for a while. “So you can tell us what you’re comfortable with and what you aren’t.”

Sanghyuk only nods in agreement and falls even more in love with his group mates every passing moment. He falls asleep to the sweet sound of Jaehwan's voice and the soft feeling of Hakyeon’s fingers in his hair. He could get used to this.

**Author's Note:**

> i love this ot3


End file.
